Monday, August 14, 2017

This Just In: End-Of-Summer High-Ate-Us!

I am an extremely humble individual.

At the same time, it would be disingenuous of me to pretend that I'm not the world's greatest living cycling writer.


Yeah, relax there, Sammy, I said living writer.


And yes, I do consider Mark Twain a cycling writer, since he wrote probably the most entertaining essay ever written on the subject before the safety bicycle was even invented.

Alas, if only he'd had access to lifesaving bicycle helmet technology he might still be alive today:


Just kidding!  I really shouldn't joke about that stuff, because last time I made an obviously false statement about a literary figure the Paris Review picked it up and ran with it:


Fake news indeed.

So where am I going with all this?  Well, all of this is an extremely long-winded way for me to tell you that after today I'll be signing off of this blog [with some important exceptions]* until...September 5th, 2017:


(What I'm assuming things will look like by then.)

See, after ten (10) whole years of blogging I've officially reached the point where I can take a great big selfish end-of-summer hiatus.  Plus, as the world's greatest living cycling writer I need longer-than-usual breaks in order to nurture and cultivate my genius.  You know how giant animals have longer gestation periods?  It's the same when you possess the massive intellect and bottomless spiritual profundity that I do.

Also, now that I'm on Strava I need to devote more time to data analysis:


(Strava is going to destroy my life, I see that now.)

Then there's the family stuff:


(Some other family, not mine.  They look like vacuous people who contribute nothing.)

I'd like to spend more time with them before the summer's up, even if the feeling's not entirely mutual.

Hey, when they get tired of me there's always Strava.

So what about those exceptions I referred to earlier?  Well, here they are:

*Hiatus Exceptions

1) The Bike Forecast: I'll still be updating that daily through the end of this week;

2) Outside: My acclaimed column will continue to take the world by storm on a weekly basis during my absence, so I'll be sure to duck in here whenever they put up a new one;

3) Miscellaneous: If any other media outlet publishes some of my genius while I'm gone I'll pop in and flog that as well.  (Or, if they publish someone else's idiocy and I'm sufficiently inflamed I might come here to vent about it.)

Then there's always Twitter, a medium in which I am delightfully pithy and frothily provocative.

As you can see, winding down my vast media empire for a simple end-of-summer recess is like stopping a freight train...or a brakeless fixie, depending on which cliché you prefer.

Speaking of my extracurricular writings, I do recommend you check out today's Bike Forecast update as it pertains to a New York Times op-ed I found rather troubling:


Also, regarding my latest for Outside:


It generated the usual enthusiasm on their Facebook page:


Sarah Bell Eben Weiss perhaps you are the problem. As both a cyclist and runner I use the pedestrian paths in Colorado extensively. For both safety and courtesy I say "on your left" and appreciate anyone who does the same. You seem really uptight. Maybe you should try getting some exercise.

Colorado, huh?

Yeah, sounds about right.

And with that, I bid you a-doo.  Thank you very much for indulging me during this lengthy but necessary leave-taking, enjoy the rest of August, and may all your rides be transcendent, or at the very least free from flats.

Thank you also for reading the words I type into this magical box, I remain eternally grateful.

Yours sincerely,

And so forth,

Etc, and so on,



--Wildcat Rock Machine, Fredsquire





35 comments:

Buffalo Bill said...

Late summer podio

N/A said...

Enjoy your hiatus WRM.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah

Shut the fuck up you worthless bitch.

Hugs & Kisses

Planet Earth

boys on the hoods said...

top 5

On your Left!!

misster pissta said...

Ride like you do

McFly said...

Dammit Wildcat your wife is the quintessential MILF package.

bieks said...

Uptight New Yorker. You need a vacation.

crosspalms said...

I'm glad you wrote about that NYT op-ed, it bothered me too. I'm sorry her mother was killed, but why did the NYT gave her space to write about something that didn't happy in NY, but could have? By that logic I should be able to write about my mom, who died of cancer outside Chicago but could have been hit by a bike in New York. Anyway, I thought you handled it well without disrespecting her loss.

Spokey said...


holy scabbie fish. top 10 or so

Die free said...

Top ten?

Hair Furor said...

When is this Gran Fondon't happening?! Did I miss that shit?

Oh well, my crabon roadbike is too fredly to be allowed entry anyway...

Anonymous said...

I see you've committed to an appearance at the lair of Fred Central in NYC next month. I wonder how that's gonna go? Is that why you're taking a month to prepare for the disc brake buying/ front suspension road bike, 3 devices on handle bars/ $400 bike fit/ on your left/ Rapha wearing/ carbon toilet seat owning crowd.? —Frednonymous

Freddy Murcks said...

My sense is that the negative comments on the Outside article were left by people who (a) didn't bother to actually read the whole article, (b) people who have low to zero reading comprehension skills, and/or (c) people who have low to zero sense of humor.

bad boy of the south said...

You said a-doo.anyway,I completed,with about eight hundred others,my new local town's bikefest.lots of rain,no t-storms.saw a lot of freds and wilmas.tridorks,one 'bent and regular folks. I heard quite a number of "on yer lefts".fun time.well, enjoy your hi-ate-us.ride safe y'all.

Spokey said...


so my shifter broke a couple days ago. after i woke up from my faint having seen that replacement bar-ends at amazonia cost $95 (ebasement was even more), i put the broken shifter in to friction mode.

almost got that artisan shifting curated.

but if snobbie is going to high-ate-us, maybe that's a sign from lob that i will have the thyme to put a new shifter on should pop the small fortune and get new ones. just don't tell princess. she's always nagging me about spending her inheritance.

JLRB said...

Enjoy the recbaefe!

Dooth said...

Sarah needs her some loving.

wle said...

yeah that twain essay is serious humor (or is it 'humour'?)

get a bike - you won;t regret it - if you live..

Drock said...

Perfect timing, I'm taking a brake from reading. It's like you read my mind, whoa.

Anonymous said...

When I try to Share your Outside Blog thingy it shares the whole page not just the individual topic I am trying to share!? Please Fix! ;-) - masmojo

dop said...

What can I do with myself until 9/5? With any luck, I can still arrange a summer internship at the Bureau of Thongs.

tobeistobex said...

Enjoy the eclipse!

Spokey said...


peachy just transplanted to denver so i be headed there in oct. if i see sarah, i'll pass along all the suggestions.

Emily Latella said...

What's all this talk about a hi anus? Just how high could yor anus be? Even if you were 7 feet tall, it would....Oh, Wait a Minute....he said Hiatus???Nevermind!

Old Timer said...

Huh? What?

caPt scrAnus said...

How the hell do you get a high anus?

A doobie enema?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC - my dog says he's available for house sitting gigs. I'm not sure you can fairly call him house broken though.

Joe McNamara said...

Even Mark Twain didn't know how to pass. Cycling oldest problem.

McFly said...

*house-shitting

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Dear SaraBell...

Sr. Snob can kick your arse on the path, track, and trail and then some.
Just look at his Strava...

Me on the other hand ... well.

vsk

EricBikeCO said...

Dumb chick running IN THE MIDDLE OF A 10FT Colorado trail DID not hear me say on "your left", I apparently then scared Princess as I passed her at Woo-hoo Fred 2mph faster than she was running and I am "an asshole". Little did she know what I wanted to yell was "TRAIL YOU IGNORANT SLUT"... here I thought I was being nice

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Fore said...

Strange that your heyateus is the same number of days as Donald Duck took off to play golf (so he could get out of the dump).

Marc said...

You forgot to mention that the Knights of the Roundtable came to Twain's rescue on bicycles during Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.

Marc

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